The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
