Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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