u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
