He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
