is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
