Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
