he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
