college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
