yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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