he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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