just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize