my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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