it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
