mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
