Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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