I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Randomize
