i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
