Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
