I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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