I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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