I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
