I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
