And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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