Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Randomize
