you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There r osticjed everywhere
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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