There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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