hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
