I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
