Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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