I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
