i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
