oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
