i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
