I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
