his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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