u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
