Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
