On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
