My brain says no but my pants say off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
