that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
