Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize