Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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