my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
