you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
