fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
