Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
