I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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