Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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