you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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