fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
