Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
