just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i think i have herpe
just one?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
