Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
