apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
