just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
