Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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