I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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