i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
how drunk are you?
Several
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
