it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
