Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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