So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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